Sing To Me
by Wekya
Summary: Post-CoLS. Slowly breaking into pieces, Alec struggles to hold himself together while searching for whatever it is he needs to ease the pain.


**CoLS left me with A LOT of feels. I tried writing happy to cheer myself up and I ended up with something I wasn't satisfied with. I decided to go the other extreme and just let out all my depressing feels.**

**Please drop me a review and let me know what you think, love or hate~  
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_Written to Sing To Me by Before Their Eyes._**  
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It was dark in the kitchen, despite the bit of sunlight starting to make its way in through the window. The hum of the refrigerator was the only sound filling the space, and yet it fell deaf to its only inhabitant's ears.

Alec, unable to sleep, had somehow found himself sitting at the kitchen table in the middle of the night. He had nowhere else to go now. With an eerie silence filling his mind, he had focused his hazy eyes on the grooves of the tabletop and lost himself in the emptiness that had now enveloped him.

He didn't know where to start.

Revenge had been his strongest desire. He wanted nothing more than to kill the bitch that had cost him what he had been trying so hard to save. He wanted her to admit to her wicked ways, to clear his conscious that it wasn't he who was wrong, but the wench who should have been begging for mercy while writhing beneath his blade. But instead, that opportunity had been stolen from him. Overloaded with anguish, regret, and defeat, he could hardly understand what was going on anymore, even when he found himself back in the Institute, repeating words to his family that the young vampire had told him deliver.

No one had noticed.

He had been completely pale and shaking, and they assumed it was because of what he saw. While they were not completely wrong—the brutal remains of Camille had shaken him—it was not for the gory reasons they assumed. His one true love had turned his back on him. His chance at redemption was gone and he refused to listen to a single word from him.

You could hardly call this a depression. His entire being had shut down.

He tightened his fists, the grooves of the key digging into his fingers of his right hand. He hadn't been able to do what Magnus had asked of him. His mind refused to give in, but he was neither going forward or backwards.

The refrigerator started up again, bringing a piece of his consciousness back to the physical realm.

Alec looked around the empty room, not really sure what he was looking for. He needed something but whenever he tried to think of it, his throat would tighten up with a painful ache and his eyes would sting and water. Unable to cope with the rush of emotion, he continually shut down. The entire night, he had been repeating this pattern, despite his exhausted body's cry for sleep.

Sleep was something he couldn't fathom getting any time soon. He could barely close his eyes without slipping into a dream.

It had become a bedtime ritual of theirs. Every night he would find a way to sneak over to Magnus's loft. No matter how silent he was, the second he slipped into bed, Magnus would turn over and wrap his arms around him. And then it would start. Magnus would hum a simple tune. It sounded like a children's lullaby, but he wasn't sure. After the tune was established, he would start with the words. The reason he wasn't sure if it was a lullaby was because the lyrics were in a language he didn't understand. Still, he would force himself to stay awake until Magnus was done with the little tune and would nuzzle his neck in contentment as he fell back asleep. Right before falling asleep, he would always look at Magnus's face.

But the adoring smile of his lover that once filled him with such warmth and love was replaced with a frown embedded with such sadness, that his chest ached as if his heart was literally breaking and he could no longer breathe. Alec gasped for breath, the intensifying burn in his chest not being pacified with gulps of air. Slamming his fists on the table, he got up and kicked his chair aside. He needed air badly—cold air.

In a half-jog, he made his way through the twisting corridors of the Institute until he found himself standing in the rickety elevator, bouncing on his heels as it slowly made its way down. Forcing the gate open as soon as it stopped, he bolted through and didn't stop until the chilly morning air hit his face.

He looked around, that need in him arising again with nothing in sight to appease it. With a frustrated grunt, he took off down the streets in a run, letting his feet carry him wherever. In his shabby clothing, he looked like a jogger so one paid him any attention. No one noticed the pain and desperation in his face as he ran through the streets.

After about an hour of running, he found himself stopping in front of an empty park. Despite the dizziness and aching in his lungs, the playful tunes the birds were singing brought him a sense of calm. He sat down at an empty bench, the spinning of the world around him not subsiding. Slowly, he laid down on his back on the bench and closed his eyes.

The sun's rays covered him with a layer of warmth reminiscent of how Magnus's body would warm him at night, but this was nowhere near as intense or satisfying. He crossed an arm over his chest, gripping his sweater over the spot where his heart was. Magnus would always curl his fingers into his shirt over that spot, using it mostly to pull himself closer. The burning was back, and it was spreading across his chest, engulfing him whole, and for a second he hoped it would take him to hell already.

A shake of his shoulder caused his eyes to snap open and for him to jolt upright with a loud gasp. With wide eyes, he stared at the man in a business suit that woke him. He had brown hair but green eyes filled with worry. "Are you alright? You looked like you were-"

"I'm fine," Alec muttered and swung his legs off the bench. He took off running again, although not as fast as before since the floor beneath his feet didn't feel stable.

He felt overwhelmed as it finally started to hit him. There was nothing he could do. He could cry and beg but Magnus had made it clear that he wanted nothing more to do with him. All he left with were his dreams. Dreams that suffocated him—that broke him.

His vision blurred and a warm wetness began to run down his cheeks. Sobs were stuck painfully in his throat and he began to panic. He couldn't break down in public, in front of strangers who would stare at him with pity.

He pushed against the door of the nearest building and it gave way with no resistance. He wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand, sniffling as he pressed his whole hand against as many buttons on the call box as he could. The door buzzed and he rushed in.

He intended to climb to the highest floor and hide in a corner until he could calm down but he stopped dead in his tracks when a familiar smell of dust and pizza hit his nose.

What used to once send his heart into a giddy frenzy, now filled him with dread and painfully stiffened every muscle in his body.

His mind shut down again and went into autopilot. Despite his protesting muscles, he slowly made his way up the stairs and down the hall of the second floor. He stopped in front of the door and stared at it.

The key was in his pocket, he could go in if he wanted; he had an excuse. Magnus had told him to gather his things and he had yet to do that.

He pressed his forehead against the door and closed his eyes, letting the cool wood chill his overheated skin.

Magnus's foreign words rung in his memory.

"_Aku cinta kamu."_

"_What does that mean?"_

"_It means I love you. Not that that changes anything."_

Alec slid down the door to his knees, swallowing with a lot of difficulty the lump in his throat. He felt weak, ridiculous, and immature. Why was he really here? What was he expecting from someone who didn't want anything to do with him anymore?

He stumbled forward, barely putting his hands out to hold himself up as the door gave way. He looked up in surprise, finding Magnus towering over him looking just as surprised.

"Alec…" Magnus breathed out quietly, as if he couldn't believe what he was looking at. He looked devoid of color in loose gray yoga pants and a rumpled plain black tee. No make-up, no hair gel, not even slippers.

Alec's throat clenched painfully and he set his jaw and muscles against the sobs that threatened to erupt from his chest. His mind was blank and he could not formulate a response.

Magnus watched Alec's body heave as he struggled to maintain control. He got down on his knees to Alec's level, looking at him with shinning slitted green eyes full of worry. "Alec," his voice cracked and he cleared his throat. "What's wrong?" Although he held a calm demeanor on the outside, his voice showed how quickly he was falling apart on the inside.

Alec took in a shaky breath and let it out slowly. His exhausted body could only come up with one request.

"Sing to me," he whispered, his eyes filling to the brim with tears as he held out his arms to Magnus.

Magnus's eyes widened, suddenly taken aback by his request, but he slowly took Alec's hands and pulled him into the loft and into his lap. Alec wrapped himself around Magnus, letting the familiar heat bring life back into his stiff muscles. The pressure in his chest lifted as Magnus began to hum the familiar tune, although there was a waver in the pitch due to the tightness in his throat. He started the lyrics, despite the lack of control of his voice.

"_Nina bobo, oh, nina bobo. Kalua tidak bobo, digigit nyamuk._" Alec smiled faintly, realizing that it was an Indonesian lullaby. He still didn't know what it meant, but it made him feel free as he started to drift off. "_Adik sayang, adikku sayang. Tidurlah tidur, dalam buaian._"

Magnus stared down at the sleeping boy in his arms, finally letting the tears roll down his face. His lifted his head up, sniffling loudly. "This doesn't change anything," he whispered mostly to himself, hugging the boy tighter as he struggled to keep himself—and his resolve—together.


End file.
